Disappointed in God

Wow, the title of the post hopefully got your attention...I guess so since you are reading this.  Have you ever been "disappointed in God".  I'm sensing that my brother and niece may be wrestling with those feelings today.  About a year ago, a friend of my niece was serving in Afghanistan when he was shot through the neck by a sniper,  his name was Jamie.  For the last year my niece and my brother have been faithfully lifting this American warrior before the Lord praying for his healing.

On Monday of this week the news was getting bad; my brother called me and asked me to get the word out and ask our partners in ministry to pray.  He told me he was convinced that God would heal Jamie.  Yesterday Jamie died.  My niece Tiffany, sent me a message last night thanking me for my prayers and expressing her anger.  I really hurt for Tiffany.  I hurt for Jamie's family.  I hurt for my brother. I too, wish God had healed Jamie...a physical healing so that he could continue to be a husband, father, son and friend to those who loved him so much.

This news took me back to a very similar situation in my life. It was something that shook me as few things ever have.  A few years back when I was a pastor, a lady in our church was diagnosed with lung cancer; the prognosis was not good.  I called the church to fast and pray. During one such time of prayer over the lunch hour I really believed God spoke to me and said He would heal Loretta.  I was thoroughly convinced.  For the  next year and a half, in spite of what I could plainly see with my eyes, I continued to believe and proclaim boldly that God was going to heal Loretta.  Then came the call....

It was a Sunday morning about 4 a.m. when Loretta's husband Mark called me to tell me that she was gone.  I had been with them the night before and everything I could see with my eyes told me that her parting was near, but I continued to believe.  I was shocked when Mark called me.  I was angry.  I was devastated.  I was embarrassed to go to church that morning.  How could I stand in front of the people after telling them for a year and a half that God would heal Loretta and tell them she was dead?  I have seldom if ever been more confused about my faith.  I was so confident that God had spoken to me.  I had begged him to tell me if I was wrong.  I was shattered.

I cannot tell you what a deep impact that had on me. The fact is my hurt still lingers.  But at some point I had to come to a place where I could say to God, "I trust you."  I can't explain what happened.  Some try to comfort me with the knowledge that God had indeed healed Loretta, but the truth is that isn't the kind of healing I was proclaiming.   Bottom line, I was wrong.  And when I think about it...that isn't that hard to believe, I'm frequently wrong.

So that brings me back to my brother and Tiffany.  What do I say to them now? What did I learn from my experience?  Well, first of all God is Sovereign and we don't get to dictate how He should run things.  We are allowed to question. I mean, He's not afraid of our questions as if we are going to trip Him up or something!  But He is still God...and we are not.  

The next thing we need to understand is that we only see a very small piece of a much bigger picture, God sees the whole thing.  We cannot possibly know how everything in life fits together.  We don't know what's going to happen five minutes from now, much less 5 years from now.

We also need to believe that God is good.  That He really does love His creation.  I have learned that it doesn't require much faith to trust God when He does things the way I want Him to.  As long as He follows my lead it's pretty easy.  Real faith comes when I have to trust Him without understanding.  Faith remains confident in the goodness of God when the circumstances around me seem to be screaming something else. 

I wish God had healed Loretta and confirmed me as a prophet.  I wish God had healed Jamie, that seems like it would have been a great faith builder for my brother and niece.  But I don't get to decide that.  And it's good that I don't because I have no idea how all of this will ultimately work out.  I do however, believe in the goodness of God and I will trust Him---even when He doesn't do it my way.

Would you join me in praying for Sgt. Jarboe's family?  They need to sense the goodness of God in this very tough time.